She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
