I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
