so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
