dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Just high enough for therapy.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
