So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
