this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
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My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
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Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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