he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
