i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
