I puked a lego.
i was born a porn star she said
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Randomize
