love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
I can text with my tongue
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Randomize
