you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
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You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
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What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
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