I can text with my tongue
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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