I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
