So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize
