I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
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