come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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