so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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