Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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