I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
