Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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