just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Randomize
