I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
