I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
