I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
