god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
