I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
You made out with two different species that night
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
