new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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