How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
We got so high we made milksteak
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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