last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
