Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize