I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
