So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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