Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize
