Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
