Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
