i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
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