so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
