So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
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