Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
