come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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