If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.