you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.