Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.