"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
27 Socially Expected Things That Are The Absolute Worst
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.