You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
17 of the Dumbest Defenses Heard in Court
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
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Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century