don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
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You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
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One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch