I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
