Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
