She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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