Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
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