I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Randomize
