i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
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