I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
