Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I would ride that face into the sunset
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
