i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
