he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
