I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Randomize
