she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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