he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
It's never too late to be topless.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
