I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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