I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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