We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
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