im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
