It's like God shit irony all over that family
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Randomize
